I'll admit, the last few days I have been consumed with this sick and sinking feeling in my gut. I imagine at least some of you have had that same feeling.
I have had the task of reviewing and synthesizing the deluge of executive orders to help the organization I work for better prepare for what is to come, and what is already here, while at the same time keeping my eyes on the Texas legislature, and other states for that matter, as they continue to wage their hate-filled and asinine attacks on transgender people, immigrants, women, and really anyone who is not a heterosexual, cisgender, white man. After each page I read, I feel dirtier and dirtier, like the abhorrent rhetoric is seeping through my entire body. A shower doesn't take the feeling away...
For the last couple of months I have been thinking about these last few days, wondering what they would be like, knowing that they would, at the absolute very least, exacerbate all of our worst problems in this country, and not in any constructive way that might drive positive change. I'll admit though, I was shocked to see a nazi (yes, that is lower case on purpose) salute on the very first day, but not surprised by the blatant gaslighting that followed.
In the last months of 2024, I made real and genuine effort to prepare myself for these days so that I could actually be energetic to respond with purpose and positive impact, but I'll admit I've been floundering. My body is responding in a truly violent way to the reality that is unfolding in front of me. It's not because I'm surprised. Each executive order, each element of this administration's platform is straight out of project 2025 or some other racist/misogynist/xenophobic/etc. playbook that we've been seeing and pushing back against for decades. So it's not because I'm surprised. It's because the saturation is turned up to the max. It's because the worst version of everything is being violently thrown at us all at once, and there is no real identified end date.
And so I shower. I take deep breaths. I go outside in the cold and stare at the sun. I reach out to a friend. I reach out to my grandparents just to say I love you. I do my gratitude exercises. I talk to my partner. I snuggle my dog. And still, that sick sinking feeling in my gut, that dirty feeling spreading through my body persists. And so I have come to the conclusion, that I am not a safe space.
I am not a safe space for this reality.
I am not a safe space for racism.
I am not a safe space for xenophobia.
I am not a safe space for misogyny.
I am not a safe space for transphobia.
I am not a safe space for homophobia.
I am not a safe space for Islamophobia.
I am not a safe space for antisemitism.
I am not a safe space for hate.
My body is rejecting it intensely and violently, and I feel the only way I can protect myself is to muster every ounce of concentration and energy I have to focus and do intentional work that promotes learning, growth, healing, and solidarity. I must tap into the skills I have and make moves. I must release the sick and dirty feeling from my body by doing everything I can that is in direct opposition to this current reality. I am not a safe space. I won't let this evil make a home inside me and slowly make me ill. You don't have to let it either.
This blog is the first in a series I am creating, titled I am Not a Safe Space. Each blog post will focus on a different area of social harm (racism, misogyny, transphobia, etc.). I will explore some history, as well as the current reality of each area, and ways that you can make sure you are not a safe space for it to survive.
You can also check out the Not a Safe Space Campaign page (under construction), which will house links to each blog, as well as other resources.
I hope you'll join me.
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